Can it get any worse?

Erm....... yeah I guess it can. Not too sure how much it can but I am pretty sure it could. All I want is somewhere to live, a home. Not much to ask for is it? But it is never going to happen. There is no way I can earn enough to afford even the most simple and meagre of homes while I am on minimum wage and no security on zero hours contracts. You are not entitled to benefits as if you get a weeks work then the benefits office base your income on that week rather than the weeks you only get a single days work. Economically it is not cost effective to even bother registering for work in an agency simply because of this. Even the simple maths do not support this, so unfortunately I am lumped witht he so called "benefit scroungers"; the ones who have no intention of working. But that is not the case. I want to work and it is the system of benefits which are making it impossible for me to do so. I live at the moment on the streets of London. I wash in the canal most days and occasionally have a shower at the church charity house. But when I go for a job I am still identified as homeless, and understandably, employers are reluctant to employ someone who is living in a nook by the side of a canal in central London. I would think twice about employing someone who was doing that. So I am left with the dilema ...... do I give up or carry on looking for a home? If I knew how to be a criminal then i could venture down that avenue. Problem with that is I have never been a criminal and know none to educate me. I could be one of those professional beggers we see on the streets of London. These are the ones you see with neatly groomed hair, clean pink skin free of sores, who hold out their hand in their claimed spots and then return to their desirable homes in Richmond with their tax free earnings. Try muscleing in on their plots and you see their true colours for sure. I have seen it. No. These are not the lives I can cope with. I have no knowledge or tallent for either begging or crime. I have the only option open to me and that is work, but there are no jobs that give a man like me the security to be able to meet the rent and other taxes every week. The council have me on a list but it is 25 years long and I am at the bottom until all others with more points have been accomodated. That is 25 years as long as no one else joins the queue. Most mornings I curse that the cold weather had not taken me in the night. That would be bliss, to just fall asleep and not know anything else.

Sunday morning blues......

Ruined day yesterday........ sounds about right though. Should have been up at 5:00 today and woke at 7:00. Doesn't end there though; have to be in Paddington and also Bristol at the same time next week as well, so that is all screwed up. I have also lost Friday and the next weekend....... can it get worse? Probably.

Hanging on......

Don't ask me why but I am still here. I had planned on being elsewhere and made preparations to be so, but plans have a habit of going astray and these have. If there is a God in heaven please let me escape.

Day ....... er, something

Disasterous day the day before and bad headache through stress. All went kind of ok and yesterday not so bad as I expected. Many hours but all in all not too bad. Today is shit. I woke late, very late, and have a 3 hour cycle in, full day and then a 3 hour cycle out because I have no money at all. None due in and a long time before any likely to come as well. ..... This is not a country to be poor. Heard a few stories about the way some governments are treating their population and it did not feel comfortable. I would love to go into details but have not the time to do it right now. Should be on the road and not here but have a coffee to finish before I set off; late is still late even if it is ten minutes more.

Here we go again.......... Things just go from bad to worse. Much of it is the same for most people on the little island and indeed all over the world, but when there is just me, no family and no friends then you are at the mercy of the system. I have been banging the drum on the way the system was going for decades and everyone thought I was crazy. Even now most people have no idea the extent they are being manipulated and intruded upon but that is not the scary thing. No, the scary thing is that even with my imagination on overload I did not think it would be as bad as it is these days. I did not imagine that simple things would be criminalised, bank accounts plundered by the state and fines becoming a substitute for loans in the monetary pyramid scheme of the FIAT currency. The incredible thing is how stupid we all were. It didn't begin in 2008 with the banking crash, oh no, it began back in the 1980s with a long game strategy set in place. All it needed was the collective stupidity and compliance of a bewildered population. ...... That was easy. Gone were the times when you went into a store and just bought something, paid for it and went home. Back then you were asked for names and addresses, then telephone numbers which of course were for "warranty purposes", and the explosion of loyalty cards which tracked you purchasing trail and tied your credit cards purchases with your cash purchases with your name, address and telephone number as well as your email account. All this progressed and became the norm with just about everything you did and we all just accepted it, gave away our privacy to everyone who asked for it. As far as banking was concerned it was Leon Brittan who sold off half the gold reserves of the UK to pay off the debt we still owed from the first and second world war. I remember the headline that we were free of debt, and yet, not too many years later we are in more debt than if we had run both wars simultaneously for a hundred years. For what? Nothing. Corporate controlled media throw out divisive propaganda as they have done since the eighties, pitching one group against the other. I remember they attacked the fat cats, then single mothers, then the unemployed, then foreigners, then blacks, then whites, then cash-in-hand jobs, then tax evaders. All designed to destroy any coherence within the population. Everyone mistrusted everyone else, unless you were part of the clicky little group at the centre of things. Spool forward to the last decade and 9/11. This was a golden opportunity for some. How better to drive a stake into the heart of every nation and lap at the blood pouring from its wounds. I am not talking about the people who flew planes into buildings, I am speaking of those who took away your rights in the name of "security". Security for who? I do not feel safe. I do not feel protected. No camera stops me being attacked in the street or robbed. No camera stops my home being burgled and when it is the only response from the Police is to give a crime number for insurance. No one comes, no investigation is done. No one cares.

Two years later.......... Some things have changed and much has stayed the same. The main change is that someone is part of my life after many years of solitude. That is a good thing and none of it was planned or part of a quest. It just happened and I am very happy to have this person in my life. Some people have died and some are not of this earth for much longer but I guess that is just a part of lifes cycle; we go through birthdays, weddings, christenings, anniversaries and finally our time is filled with funerals. in the past two years it has been noticable in the amount of funerals that have occurred. Work front is depressing. Even though I have a decent wage tha tax burden is so great and the price of getting to work inflating 100% in two years means I am working for nothing. It is more accurate to say I am getting deeper in debt rather than getting ahead. The consideration that no job is better than any job is being considered. That will do for now. Airport to go to.

New beginings ..... again!

OK...... so the big sulky black cloud of despair reared it's head again and the delete button was liberally and furiously pressed in an effort to eradicate the past. It didn't work. The memories are still there but at least they are less painful the more time marches past.
It was a mistake to delte everything. At the time it felt good but with hindsight I wish i hadn't done it as so much of it, the creative arm, is lost. That's a sadness I feel greater than .... most things.